Losing a loved one can be remarkably impactful on a person’s life. The grief of loss not only affects our mental health and moods but physically changes our bodies as we process and grieve. It can be a difficult time for some that lasts weeks and for others months or years. The loss of a parent is especially staggering. Whether you were close or estranged, or if they were young or old, losing a parent can be a lot to process. 

The path through grief is different for everyone. You may feel alone and disconnected at times, unsure how to make it through the day. You might feel great one minute and then revert to depression as if they just left the next. However, the important things to remember are that it doesn’t last forever, and taking care of your health during the grieving process is incredibly important. Let’s talk about the different types of grief and how you, and others, can get through it on your own path of coping with grief.

Types of Grief

You are more than likely familiar with Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’ descriptions of the 5 stages of grief from her book, On Death and Dying: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. These are useful as an overview of the process of grief, but can often be misunderstood. The truth is most people don’t go through every stage of grief outlined here nor is it a clear step-by-step path. They are, however, important touchpoints to help you in your grief.

Another helpful way to look at the process of grief is to examine types of grief. These are a bit more focused and describe different levels of grief. They’re also the most common with patients and their families in hospice care:

Prolonged vs Acute grief – According to experts there are two overarching types of grief: acute and prolonged. Acute grief generally refers to the immediate aftermath of loss. A person is usually able to adapt over time and move on with a new normal of living without their loved one. However, if the grief lasts a year or more, and the person is unable to go about their daily lives because they’re so overwhelmed, this is called prolonged grief. Experts say roughly 10% of people develop prolonged grief after the loss of a loved one, and typically after an unexpected or violent death, the person who passed was young, or the person doesn’t have a support system.

Anticipatory grief – This type of grief develops before a significant loss rather than after. If you have a loved one that is terminally ill or in hospice, then you might start grieving before the loss has even happened. As with conventional grief, anticipatory grief comes with a range of emotions, particularly anger. It can feel like anger at giving up hope and can be bottled up as you refuse to grieve before the loss. It can be helpful, however, by giving you a chance to prepare for the loss, resolve unfinished business, or begin saying your goodbyes. 

Complicated grief –  For most people, grief will ease as time passes. While it may never disappear, it will become manageable. For others, it can continue to disrupt day-to-day life and relationships. This is complicated grief and usually is when a person is restricted in a state of bereavement. They can’t accept their loved one’s passing, experience intense longing, or may even feel their own life isn’t worth living. If you or someone you know is experiencing this type of grief, it’s important to reach out for support to help heal.

Coping with Grief

Grief is often said to be akin to a roller coaster. You will feel the lowest lows and highest highs as you process life without your loved one. It can very often be even more jarring than that. It can feel like a roller coaster within a scrambler within a Ferris wheel with emotions and feelings changing minute to minute. As time goes on, however, the most difficult parts will become less intense and will last less time, and it is important to remember that.

It is also important to take care of yourself as much as you can as you move on your journey of coping with grief. Here are a few things you can do to put the focus on your health as you grieve:

Give yourself permission to feel emotions as they arise – Throughout your journey, but especially at the start, be patient with yourself and allow the feelings to come. Resist the idea that you have to grieve on a timeline, and allow the motions to process no matter when they arise.

Exercise – A great way to help process grief or give yourself time to not think about your grief is exercise. Even if it’s just 5 or 10 minutes of moving your body, it can do a tremendous amount of help for your mental health.

Keep a grief journal – Journaling can be a great way to cope with losing a loved one. It can be a place for you to write down feelings, memories of your parent or loved one, or explore complicated feelings relating to their passing in a private, safe way. There are also many places to find prompts that may help the words flow if needed.

Lean on others – This one may be the most difficult as asking for help isn’t always the easiest thing for people. However, asking a family member or friend can be a great way to cope with loss. You could even join a grief group where people with similar grief and loss come together to discuss their feelings in a safe environment. It helps to know you’re not alone in your grief and you can learn some tips from others on what works best for them. 

Support Yourself Physically to Support Yourself Emotionally

During these most difficult times, you need to process the emotions. Keeping emotions bottled up won’t help you move through them and you can become stuck in prolonged grief. Here are some steps to remember:

Acknowledge your pain.
Accept that grief can trigger different and unexpected emotions at any time.
Understand that your grieving process is different from anyone else.
Support yourself emotionally by taking care of yourself physically.

Most importantly, if you are feeling overwhelmed by your grief or are in immediate crisis, there are grief crisis hotlines you can contact 24/7 to receive help and resources:

National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: Call or text 988
Veterans Crisis Line: Call 988, then press 1 or text 838255
Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA): 800-662-4357
Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741-741 in the U.S.

If you ever experience thoughts of self-harm or suicide, seek immediate medical help.