A piece of advice rarely given to younger people about getting older is to hold on to and cultivate friendships. Save money? Definitely. Keep exercising? Absolutely. Remember to make friends? Hardly. Friendship advice is often pushed aside for more personal or material tidbits focused on finances and health — understandably so! As we age, friendships tend to get pushed aside for other priorities like family, children, work, and more, so turning attention to friends can be difficult.
However, the importance of a network of close friends cannot be understated — and neither can the difficulty in cultivating and keeping those friends. Many times the importance of companionship goes hand in hand with success in health and money. Strong friendships can help us stay healthy, can provide a strong sense of self, and, arguably most importantly, can help us process and move through trauma and difficult situations.
Friendships According to the Greeks
In his writings, Nicomachean Ethics, Greek philosopher Aristotle turned his mind to friendships. He stated that throughout our lives we encounter three types of friendships: those based on utility, pleasure, or virtue.
Friendships based on utility involve both people gaining something from the friendship. These types are pretty typical in the working world when we’re networking with peers.
Friendships based on pleasure involve friends with which you can have a great time. These are often prevalent in high school or college where you have a built-in environment to easily interact and be sociable.
Friendships based on virtue are ones where both individuals share values, admiration, and respect. Aristotle finds these types of friendships to be the most enduring. He writes, “Perfect friendship is the friendship of [people] who are alike in virtue; for these wish well alike to each other [in all circumstances] and they are good themselves.”
Friendships in utility and pleasure tend to not last long because as we grow our needs and desires change with us. Virtue and goodness, however, go to the core of who we are, so these companions tend to stay with us through life as we both are striving for the same joys. These are the friends we should hold on to and who continually make us better by their company.
How Companionship Changes Us
How friends make us better is not just that they hold us to a high standard and keep us on the path of good. Friends also have demonstrably positive effects on our physical health and can encourage us to avoid unhealthy lifestyle choices. Studies have shown that friends help us quit smoking more effectively. Also, friends can help us stick to a workout routine better than expensive fitness trackers. All of which can reduce stress and the risk of high blood pressure.
Friends are also great for our mental health. Having a strong friend group improves your self-confidence and self-worth and boosts your happiness. This leads to a cascade of positive effects such as improving symptoms of depression and reducing anxiety. Friends help prevent loneliness and isolation, and give you the chance to be a good friend, too. They can also help you cope with traumas such as divorce, loss of employment, and the death of a loved one.
This last point is one we feel is most important. No one should have to grieve alone, and while family can be an important piece of the process, we may not be able to rely on family as they grieve on their own. This is why being able to lean on a friend, someone removed from the situation, is crucial to processing grief and loss. They can help you with errands, listen to you, talk to you, or just sit with you while you watch silly television. They can be a rock in an otherwise unstable time.
Developing and Solidifying Friendships
Now that we’ve talked about the importance of friendships you may be asking a rather salient question: ok, but how do I make and keep friends as I get older? The answer to the question can be a bit complicated depending on individual circumstances, but there are key things you can do to develop and solidify friendships as you get older.
First off, you have to be open to it. If you’re not putting yourself out there to get friends, then it’s going to be hard. This is not just physically going to places like community and volunteer events, faith-based events, or simply accepting invites to go out. It also means being mentally open to making friends. It may seem like a small thing, but it makes a world of difference. Making yourself mentally ready to accept friendship and companionship will help tremendously.
Next, you have to be kind. It is a very basic behavior, but is the core of successful friendships. The more kind and gracious you are towards a friend, the deeper your connection to them will become. It’s also important to keep kindness at the center of your friendships and to insist on it being reciprocated. As Aristotle said, friendships based on virtue are the most long-lasting.
Lastly, you have to be available. This, again, is both mental and physical. Accept invites from people you want to have friendships with. Send your own invites out. Be willing to be there for people, and they will be more willing to be there for you. Also, be mentally available. This can be as simple as responding to texts or phone calls on time. Showing people that you’re available for them goes a long way toward building trust. Listen to them as you’d want them to listen to you, and mutual respect can grow.
Never Too Late for the Power of Companionship
It can be a cruel twist that as we age it becomes more difficult to make friends while also being more and more important to have friends around to uplift us and bring out the best in us. Having the dedication to cultivate new friendships or sustain old ones can take a lot, but it’s not insurmountable. It’s never too late. No matter your age you can make new friends. We all struggle with friendships later in life, and we’re all looking for someone to connect with. Why not take the time to start making connections? Who knows, the person that could impact you the most could be someone you haven’t yet met. It’s worth the risk.
