When a loved one dies, the entire family feels the loss, but for children and teens, grief can be especially confusing and overwhelming. Young people may not have the words to express their emotions, and their understanding of death evolves as they mature. 

Sadly, many young people experience the death of someone they love—a parent, sibling, grandparent, or close friend. Research shows that 1 out of 14 children in the U.S. will lose a parent or sibling before age 18, affecting over 4.9 million youth. By age 25, that number more than doubles to over 12.8 million young adults.

At Heart to Heart Hospice, we understand that grief can begin even before a loved one passes. When a family member is receiving hospice care, children and teens may experience anticipatory grief—the worry, sadness, or fear that comes with knowing someone they love is seriously ill. Gentle support, honest conversations, and small opportunities to express emotions can help young people feel seen, understood, and guided toward healthy coping strategies both before and after the loss.

Understanding the Stages of Grief in Children and Teens

Grief is a natural response to loss, but it looks different depending on age, maturity, and emotional development. While adults may work through grief with words and reflection, children and teens often show their feelings through behavior, physical symptoms, or changes in daily life.

The well-known stages of grief—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance—are not always linear, especially for young people. Children may move in and out of stages quickly, while teens may appear “stuck” in anger or withdrawal. It’s important to remember and remind them that there is no “right way” or timeline to grieve.

Children and teens may also show physical signs of grief, such as:

  • Headaches, stomachaches, or other unexplained physical complaints
  • Fatigue or trouble sleeping
  • Appetite changes
  • Regression in younger children, such as bedwetting or clinginess

Research shows that children and adolescents express grief in ways closely tied to their developmental stage. Younger children may show grief through play or regression, while teens might struggle with mood swings, withdrawal, or acting out. Caregivers play a crucial role in helping young people navigate these responses and process their emotions in healthy ways.

Recognizing these signs helps caregivers understand that grief affects the whole child—mind, body, and emotions—and underscores the importance of providing support that addresses all these needs.

How Children Experience Grief

Children’s understanding of death changes as they grow, which affects how they express grief. Younger children, such as preschoolers, often see death as temporary or reversible. They may ask repeated questions like “When is Grandpa coming back?” or worry that their own actions caused the loss.

As children grow older, around ages five to nine, they begin to understand death more realistically but may still believe it won’t happen to them or their loved ones. Children may express grief in a variety of ways, including:

  • Increased clinginess or fear of being separated from caregivers
  • Regression in skills such as potty training or sleep routines
  • Mood swings, tantrums, or irritability
  • Expressing emotions through play, drawing, or storytelling
  • Physical complaints like headaches or stomachaches

One important consideration is funerals and memorials. A child who is frightened about attending a funeral should not be forced to go. Families can help children honor their loved one in ways that feel comfortable to them, such as lighting a candle, making a scrapbook, drawing pictures, saying a prayer, or sharing stories. Allowing children to grieve in their own way supports their emotional processing and gives them a sense of control during a confusing time.

For families seeking more guidance on how children of different ages experience grief and ways to support them, the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry offers an excellent resource.

How Teens Experience Grief

By the time they reach adolescence, most teens understand that death is final and irreversible. Grief may overlap with the challenges of adolescence—identity, independence, and peer relationships—making it harder for teens to open up. As teens struggle to express their emotions, their grief can show in many different ways, including:

  • Withdrawing from family, friends, or activities
  • Expressing anger, irritability, or defiance
  • Turning to risky behaviors, such as substance use or unsafe choices
  • Experiencing a drop in academic performance or loss of interest in hobbies
  • Appearing “fine” outwardly while hiding deep sadness
  • Seeking alternative ways to remember or honor a loved one if they feel uncomfortable attending a funeral

Because teens are often reluctant to share their feelings, they may need gentle encouragement and safe spaces to talk. Trusted adults, mentors, and teen grief support groups can help normalize their emotions and reassure them that they are not alone.

When to Seek Extra Help

While many children navigate grief with the support of family, some may need extra help when their grief begins to interfere with daily life. Signs that a child or teen might benefit from additional support include:

  • Experiencing persistent sadness or depression lasting more than a few weeks
  • Withdrawing from family, friends, or activities they once enjoyed
  • Difficulty concentrating or showing a decline in academic performance
  • Displaying regression in younger children, such as bedwetting or clinginess
  • Engaging in risky behaviors or substance use (more common in teens)
  • Expressing feelings of hopelessness or worthlessness
  • Talking about death or suicide

If you notice any of these signs, it’s crucial to approach the situation with care and compassion. Encourage open conversations, validate their feelings, and seek professional help if needed.

Research shows that many teens feel they are expected to “be strong” and support others, which can hinder their grieving process. Younger children may also feel pressure to hide sadness to avoid worrying adults. Recognizing these pressures and providing a supportive environment can make a significant difference in a child’s or a teen’s healing journey.

Healthy Coping & Family Support While Grieving

Grieving children and teens need consistent love, honesty, and stability. Families and caregivers play a crucial role in guiding them through this challenging time. Speaking openly and using clear language—such as saying “Grandma died” instead of “Grandma went to sleep”—helps young people understand what has happened.

Encouraging questions and answering them truthfully helps children and teens process their emotions safely, while maintaining daily routines provides them with a sense of security. Sharing stories, looking at photos, or creating small rituals can also help them honor the memory of their loved one.

Families can support young people by:

  • Allowing choices, such as whether to attend a funeral or create an alternative way to remember the loved one
  • Listening without judgment and validating feelings
  • Avoiding phrases that minimize grief, like “You’ll get over it soon” or “Be strong”
  • Postpone major life changes when possible, as these can increase anxiety

Children and teens also benefit from healthy coping strategies, including:

  • Creative expression: Drawing, writing letters, journaling, music, or storytelling
  • Physical outlets: Sports, walking, or other activities that release energy
  • Peer support: Talking with friends or joining grief groups
  • Spiritual practices: Prayer, meditation, or participating in religious rituals
  • Nature and memory activities: Planting a tree, making a memory box, or spending time outdoors
  • Mindfulness and relaxation techniques: Guided imagery, breathing exercises, or meditation

Supporting grieving children and teens requires patience, honesty, and compassion, as their grief may not look like an adult’s but is just as real and worthy of care. Families, schools, and communities all play a vital role in providing stability and opportunities for young people to express their emotions in healthy ways.

At Heart to Heart Hospice, we help families navigate grief, including supporting children. By creating safe spaces, offering meaningful rituals, and connecting families to professional support, children and teens can carry their loved one’s memory forward with love and resilience.

Additional Grief Resources for Families, Teens, and Children

Families and caregivers supporting grieving children and teens can turn to a variety of trusted organizations and programs for guidance, information, and support: