The holidays are an emotionally challenging time for many families with a loved one in hospice care. The worries over the possibility of this holiday season being the last, the want and desire to make sure it’s a meaningful, memorable holiday, and the hope of a joyous, loving time can weigh on caregivers and families.
But it does not need to be an emotionally fraught holiday season. The important thing to do is focus on creating meaning, memories, and joy. Here are some ideas for caregivers and their families on how to achieve that. What’s key to remember with all these ideas is to keep it simple and keep it within your means. Don’t try to do too much. It will overwhelm you and your loved one. Focus on how you can most easily incorporate those factors (meaning, memories, and joy) into celebrations.
Prioritize presence and flexibility
Before we start planning how to decorate a room to set a holiday mood, we need to focus on simply being there. There is nothing we want more during the holidays than to be around the people we love, so make sure that whatever you plan is based around being with family and those your loved one cares about most. Also remember to be flexible. Plans and conditions can change quickly, so staying flexible is key to reducing unnecessary stress on everyone involved.
Decorate the space with simple joys
Few things embody the joy of the holiday season like putting up decorations for holiday cheer. Perhaps your loved one always enjoyed organizing their holiday village scenes or cherished ornaments or garland. Bring those things into their space to add the holiday spirit. Remember, however, to keep it simple. Putting too much around can be overwhelming for you and your loved one. Perhaps pick the most beloved pieces and set them up. You could also have younger family members (grandkids or nieces/nephews) create snowflakes or other decorations for an extra personal touch.
Cook them their favorite holiday treats
Most everyone has a favorite dish that their parents or aunts and uncles make for the holidays. It can be a wonderful way to celebrate to create a personalized meal of their favorite dishes for the holidays. Be sure to work with your loved one’s hospice care team to see what dishes work for their dietary and medical plan, and work within those parameters. The fastest way to unlock and relive core holiday memories is through the stomach, so have a loving meal can be an incredible way to celebrate this year.
Include their most loved stories and songs
Nothing can drop you into the holiday spirit quite like hearing your favorite holiday music or story. It can evoke the joy of a first snow, twinkling lights, or feeling cozy by a fire. Make a playlist of your loved one’s favorite holiday songs and have it softly playing when you’re spending time with them. Music has the power to automatically change the atmosphere of the room and temporarily melt away the stressors of the day. Same can be said for reading a favorite story or poem that reminds you of the holidays. Bring family around and have everyone read a few pages to amp up the air of warmth and love.
Caregivers: Include time for yourself
As we said at the start, being around family and loved ones is always important during the holidays. However, with a loved one in hospice care there will be times where they’ll need to rest. This is a perfect time for caregivers and those closest to the patient to take time for themselves. A normal holiday season is stressful enough. Adding in a loved one on end of life care elevates stress even more, so taking time to relax, do some gratitude journaling, or exercising can help you recharge and be more present when you’re needed. There’s nothing selfish about giving yourself the gift of calm.
Keep communication open
Along with being flexible, it’s important to keep communication as open as possible during the holiday season. Checking in with your loved one to hear their wants and needs is essential as is listening to family, friends, and the hospice care team. If the care team says it’s best to let your loved one rest, then make sure everyone else knows that. This keeps your loved one’s health at the center of any plans. It also eliminates the issue of family and friends showing up at inopportune times overwhelming your loved one with too much activity at once. It also helps caregivers be there for crucial conversations with your loved one or the care team. Remember your loved one is processing their own emotions surrounding the holidays, and they need to trust that you’ll be there when they need help processing everything.
Remember the three Ts: Truth, Touch, and Time
This may be the most important way to create meaning, memories, and joy this holiday season. We find, and studies show, that many patients want truth, touch, and time during end of life care—especially around the holidays. They want everyone to be truthful with them when discussing treatment options, the progress of their health, and within personal relationships. You can provide them truth and the hope that they’ll enjoy their final moments with people they love. Patients also love physical and emotional touch – perhaps to have a reminder of life, or because family and friends tend to distance themselves as disease progresses. Hold their hands, talk to them, or brush their hair. Finally, patients want time, and not just time to be alive. This means time to come to terms with loss, unresolved issues, or to process the situation. This is why open communication with loved ones in hospice care is so important.
The best things to remember this holiday season is to make sure celebrations are centered around the wants and needs of the patient. Listen to what they want and what they can handle. Letting their desires drive decisions can help families and loved ones craft a holiday season that is filled with love, joy, and memories you’ll hold forever.
