There is something about this time of year—the days shorten and the familiar rhythm of the holidays begins, with festive lights adorning homes, carols playing on the radio, and the smell of winter spices filling kitchens. For some, the season brings warmth and connection. For others, especially those who’ve lost someone, the holidays can stir a heaviness and a quiet shift inside. This feeling is often tied to grief triggers.
Grief triggers are sights, sounds, dates, or traditions that bring feelings of loss rushing back. The American Psychological Association says that emotional memories are closely tied to sensory and environmental cues: you may be going about your day and suddenly find yourself overwhelmed by a song that once made you smile. You might pull out a box of decorations and pause when you see an ornament connected to someone who is no longer here. Or you might notice a significant date approaching on the calendar—an anniversary, a birthday—and feel the weight settle in your chest. Understanding why these reactions occur and how to care for yourself when they arise can help you navigate the season with more compassion, steadiness, and less self-judgment.
Why Holidays Can Trigger Grief
The holidays are rich with what psychologists call contextual cues—the sensory details that mark this season as different from any other. It’s why the scent of pine or pulling into a driveway for a family gathering can transport you back in time. Sometimes the memories are comforting, while other times, they bring a sudden ache or a sense of loneliness that may feel sharper than you expect.
Beyond the sensory cues, the holidays often carry a powerful societal expectation of joy and togetherness. The stark contrast between this expectation and the reality of a significant absence can make the ache of grief feel especially raw. These experiences don’t mean your grief is “back.” They don’t mean you haven’t healed or that you’re not coping well. They’re simply how memory works.
The National Center for PTSD uses the term “anniversary reaction” to describe the natural emotional and physical responses that surface around meaningful dates. While often discussed in the context of trauma, this concept also helps explain why grief can intensify during certain seasons or anniversaries.
Certain weeks—like the days surrounding a loved one’s birthday, the anniversary of a diagnosis, or the date of their passing—can feel especially tender. These dates don’t change, so the nervous system often remembers long before our conscious minds do.
Recognizing Common Grief Triggers
Grief triggers look different for everyone, but they often fall into a few common categories:
- Sensory Triggers
- Holiday music
- Certain foods or recipes
- Scents like pine, cinnamon, or candles
- Photographs or family heirlooms
- Seasonal or Calendar Triggers
- Anniversaries of a death
- Birthdays
- Religious holidays
- The week or month leading up to when a loss occurred
- Emotional or Social Triggers
- Family gatherings with an empty chair
- Watching others celebrate with their loved ones
- Feeling pressured to “be cheerful”
- Unexpected Triggers
- Sometimes the most challenging moments come from cues you didn’t anticipate—small reminders tied to childhood memories, traditions, or past experiences you can’t fully articulate. These subtle reminders can be just as powerful as the obvious ones.
What You Can Do When Grief Is Triggered
When a grief trigger strikes, it can feel like the wind has been knocked out of you. Take a moment to find compassionate, healthy ways to care for yourself. Mental health professionals who specialize in bereavement emphasize that the goal isn’t to “fix” the grief, but instead to learn how to support yourself through it. Some practices they recommend are to:
- Acknowledge the Moment Instead of Pushing It Away: Take a minute to stop and breathe. Allowing yourself to name the emotion—sadness, longing, anger, confusion, exhaustion—can soften its intensity. Suppressing grief often magnifies it, while acknowledging it creates space for the emotion to move through you.
- Give Yourself Permission to Slow Down: Overscheduling might seem like a good way to keep busy and avoid distraction, but oftentimes this makes grief symptoms stronger, especially when triggers are already present. If you feel yourself running on empty, consider what you can postpone, simplify, or not do.
- Plan Compassionate “Bookends” for Hard Days: Create something to look forward to on the other side of a difficult date or month. Maybe there’s a restaurant you’ve been wanting to try, a small weekend getaway you could plan, or a day you can set aside for something nurturing. These gentle “markers” can offer light at the end of a season that feels dark.
- Lean into Your Support System: You don’t need perfect words to reach out. A simple, “The holidays are harder this year than I expected,” can open a meaningful conversation. Whether it’s a friend, a family member, a faith leader, or a support group, being witnessed in your grief can bring tremendous relief.
- Honor Your Loved One in a Way That Feels Right to You: Establishing a ritual can provide a sense of grounding when emotions start to feel chaotic. Making a favorite recipe, visiting a meaningful spot, or simply sharing a story about your loved one with someone who understands can help honor the relationship you had without reopening wounds.
- Seek Professional Support When It Feels Too Heavy to Manage Alone: Grief counselors, therapists, and hospice bereavement specialists can help you make sense of recurring triggers, especially if they feel overwhelming or unpredictable. You never have to reach a crisis point before asking for help.
Helping Children with Grief Triggers During the Holidays
Children feel grief deeply, though they often express it in ways adults may not immediately recognize. According to child-development specialists writing in Psychology Today, kids don’t simply “get over” a loss; emotional memories are stored in their bodies and minds just like they are for adults.
The holidays can stir those memories quickly. A child may seem more irritable than usual, have trouble concentrating, withdraw from favorite activities, or appear unusually tired. These shifts are often grief speaking through behavior rather than words.
Supporting a grieving child begins with presence. Sitting beside them, saying the loved one’s name, or telling a story from a past holiday can help them feel less alone in their emotions. Sometimes, a child needs reassurance that it’s okay to cry, while other times, they may want to make something—a drawing, a memory box, or a simple ritual to keep the loved one close.
Most of all, children need to know their feelings are normal and that you will walk through them together. Grief is heavy, but it becomes lighter when shared.
Working Through Holiday Grief LongTerm
Grief doesn’t disappear with time. It simply changes shape. To help navigate long-term grief triggers during the holiday season, consider:
- Reevaluating traditions: Keep the ones that comfort you and let go of those that feel too heavy.
- Establishing boundaries: Remember, it’s okay to decline events that drain you or overwhelm you.
- Staying connected: Even one trusted person can offer a lifeline in difficult moments.
- Practicing ongoing self-compassion: You don’t have to “move on” within a specific timeframe.
Remember that healing isn’t linear; some years feel lighter while some feel heavier—and both are normal.
Making Peace With Annual Grief Triggers
Making peace with recurring grief doesn’t mean you stop missing the person you lost. It means recognizing that the emotions tied to certain seasons or dates may always exist, and that there is nothing wrong with that.
With time, many people learn to anticipate the hard weeks rather than fear them. They recognize that they may need to give themselves extra grace on the days that feel heavy and seek connection on the days that feel lonely. Some discover new ways to honor their loved ones each year; others simply allow the feelings to come and go, trusting they will eventually pass.
Wherever you are in the grieving process, you are not weak for having seasonal grief, and you are not “behind” in healing. You are human, responding to love and memory.
You’re Not Alone
Holidays and anniversaries can bring warmth, nostalgia, grief, and longing all at once. These emotions don’t cancel each other out—they coexist. Grief triggers are reminders of connection, woven into the fabric of your life.
If this season feels heavy, please remember you don’t have to face it alone. Heart to Heart Hospice is here to support you with compassion, guidance, and a listening ear whenever you need it.
